“Shoes are paradoxical: They are both rigid and flexible, and to get anywhere in them, a shoe must stay still (pushed against the ground) providing resistance that permits the other one to be brought forward” K Childs
As I read this quote, there are several things that came to mind. Some are questions. Some are answers. All are musings.
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I came to realize that somehow excellence, as embodied by people of color, seemed to be a function of a desire for the dominant culture to have us reconcile with them. Reconciliation often looks like quiet consent, over-working/over volunteering, and a constant reassurance that you’re not like “those” other people that look like you, all while never requiring ANYTHING of them.
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This seeking for markers of excellence in THEIR eyes has us privileging their applause above our own liberation. We cannot, in these White spaces created for them- in many cases, but us, simply be about access just because we were comprehensively disenfranchised, and seem to still experience disenfranchisement in other areas. It must also be about straining against the ways in which folks STILL enjoy unfair advantages because of their skin and class privilege. It’s way harder to do. One is safe. You get the grades. You join the organizations. You make a name for yourself and become the first or second- fill-in-the-blank. You go on to be the one face in the room, the exception to the rule, as it were. The other requires that you never let go of the faces of those who look like you and never got the opportunity you were provided. It is the job of never being satisified being one of a handful. It is never being okay with overworking yourself to prove you’re just as good as the white mediocrity that is consistently held up as a standard.
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This owning of one’s voice in one’s own voice is resistance work. It is fighting against any societal ethic that fails to take into account that we STILL consider people of color wanting to be free and seen and heard and recognized as RADICALS. That we currently have a resident of the White House that was elected into office by many people who consider themselves accepting and welcoming is proof that our positionings in our schools has been a lullaby of sorts to us, causing us to become very comfortable with our proximity to power though we still are not free. All skin-folk aint kin folk.
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There has even developed a veneration of diversity- not inclusion. This veneration of the markers of diversity has yet to enable us to activate what real inclusion would look and feel like. Even the gatekeepers operate as minions of the dominant culture. We got so lulled into the comfort because the violence was not as apparent. They do not lynch us as they used to. Instead, they ask us qualifying questions.
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We are still admitted to and working in schools that do not see white supremacy because their histories, endowment, and alumni power are so inextricably linked to it.
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In our own voices means it is perfectly okay to call out those who want peace but are crickets when it comes to justice. White supremacy, and the structures that made Oliver’s Scholars a necessity was not just a simple misunderstanding that the oppressor and oppressed contributed to. It is not our job to fix it. It is their work. Our allyship, then, is about your voice reminding them of their obligation as humans. Your voice, though timid, cannot protect the fragile sensibilities of White people. Liberation before “peace” does not mean you’re walking around campus talking about Eff the police, or fight the powers that be. It does mean that your very presence, your brilliance, your contributions cause even the most liberal of folks to acknowledge their complicity – usually through silence – in how the world looks today.
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This work also means we must tackle how “in our own voices” requires building coalitions. We have to listen to other perspectives and other experiences that cause what’s loud in our own minds to quiet. It is a disorienting experience, because the dominant culture has us believing we have to perform in the oppression Olympics because of the reparations some of have received. When we do this, we literally fracture ourselves. How can a Latina separate her experience as a woman from her cultural heritage, and why do we ask that she cowtail to a society that would ask her to? What’s more disorienting, is how owning one’s own voice asks us to come to terms with how our various identities promote oppressive structures. This is why we sometimes fall for the, let’s just all get along ideology, as it makes us feel better about our own inconsistencies. But we have to continually resist. Assimilation is not the goal. Assimilation erases memory and that only benefits the oppressor. Peace has become synonymous with assimilation, and the two are not the same. Peace also does not mean an absence of struggle. Peace means one’s voice never has to sound like another to be excellent. Peace means a dismantling of privilege based on anything single identifier.
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Are you up for the invasive and disruptive process of owning and speaking in your own voice?
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Ask yourself what your scholarships ask of you, and are you willing to put that on the line? You are often provided entrée into these white and often oppressive structures in order to abstract the fact that there are structures that decade after decade, make you a numeric minority in the community. It causes us to pay obeisance to the point of self-depracation to stay in these often silencing spaces. You need to take your entrée as a dare- it is a point of committed action- a promise. It is saying my full inclusion and my full voice, my natural hair, my intonation, my language are not RADICAL. They are my voice.
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Do not become invested in the access you believe these institutions will afford you. You will never gain the privileges of whiteness with your skin, name, color, religion, and believing admission to these spaces will provide a small idea of that privilege is dangerous. It causes you to say we will speak up for lesbians and gays, but not transgender people. Your success cannot coopt any framework of white supremacy. That does not mean to never care about your grades or even about how you’re seen. It means to understand that you are excellent even when it is not recognized by the institution. Again, it doesn’t mean you resign yourself to invisibility- it means the invisibilization that is often a result of owning one’s voice may be a consequence. Are you strong enough for that?
