I have a strange idea. I believe fiercely in the idea that people ALWAYS operate based on the information they have been given. While I recognize that if you live in the United States in 2019, you have to actively decide NOT to know certain information. That is, you have to choose to only watch CNN or FOX or BBC or Al Jazeera. It is always a choice. We also know that for better or for worse, we will most likely draw near to folks who say what we want to hear. There’s the idea of confirmation bias, for example. This is the idea that we seek out avenues to justify what we already believe. I mean, who wants to be wrong? Furthermore, we all tend to do this. It is not relegated to a region, or a color, or a religion, or a political affiliation. We are all guilty of this tendency. So, how do we encourage folks- including ourselves- to branch out and expand our frames of reference?
I think the way we dismantle what has been created in the same way it was created- small conversations with people that might not be in alignment with the beliefs to which you have been committed. You know the idea of a town hall? What if we started town halls, but at a smaller scale- like let’s start with family. Think about it; many of us are able to say to strangers what we cannot, or have CHOSEN not to say to family. Social media is a perfect example of this. The pseudo anonymity afforded those who use social media platforms have emboldened people to either affirm or deny the humanity of other users. Users will speak out against all forms of oppression enacted by famous individuals, but are silent when it comes to close friends and family. There is definitely an understandable fear. What happens when we test the bonds of familial ties, or the closeness we experience in friendship, if we actually asked questions about those jokes, innuendo, or other behaviors to which we have become accustomed, but are hurtful and harmful to many?
I’m not asking anyone to pick a fight. I’m asking folks to actually lean into their relationships. I’m asking people to understand that though all of us may not have created this hell and hand basket our country has become, we are all responsible for doing our part to make it better. So how would this work? Below are some ideas:
Playdate with a younger group:
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Have books around that represent those not in the room, or the totality of who is in the room. Try out this book list: https://coloursofus.com/2019-jane-addams-childrens-book-award-winners/
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Have toys around that are non gender-role assigning. While kids mimic what they see, their ability to adapt to what is available is astounding. Think about the times when you bought a toy for a kid. You scoured stores or websites, and what did the kid do? They played with the packaging way longer than the toy. The toys don’t even need to be expensive. Paper and coloring implements, kinetic sand, blocks and other low-tech objects are wonderful play items that also encourage conversation. You can hear and see what children think about their abilities and the abilities of others. Be careful, however, not to impose your own judgements on what you are seeing and hearing. A child may not want to play with another child because they are not yet comfortable playing with others, not because they are already an avowed sexist or racist- so…don’t assume. Just be there to redirect conversation and provide new information.
Excursions with older kids:
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Look around your city. What parts haven’t you visited? Why? Explore those places. Again, I am not ignorant to the fact that there are certain neighborhoods that pose a risk to people’s safety. Abject poverty, government and business disinvestment sometimes provokes reactions that show themselves as public drug abuse, unkept streets, policing in a manner that is indicative of a negative mindset about the community, and myriad other issues. But have you even spoken about how it happened, and why other neighborhoods have been shielded from such happenings?
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What about museums that highlight the histories and cultures of other people? If there is a museum in your area that focuses on non-Western art or history, make a trip there.
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Cooking experiences tied to the history of a nation can do a lot to open one’s understanding of what they really do not know. What if you chose a meal from a different culture, and actually went to stores that are owned by folks of that culture. When I cook Indian food at home, I go to Patel Brothers Supermarket. Not only are their prices for herbs and spices better than the chain supermarkets that are nationally known, but I get to ask questions to better help me recreate dishes that mean so much to the people of that culture. We take for granted why meals were made in the ways they were. We call them “exotic,” as if we all don’t have an “otherness” to our identities. Finally, it may decenter our ideas of fine dining. This world has always been larger than our blocks, our cities, our states, and our continents.
Talking with older folks:
One thing I’ve learned is that sometimes, adults are moved by personal accounts in ways that are intangible, yet meaningful. Though we know there are several Core Cultural Identifiers (race, gender, sexuality, socio-economic status, ability, religion, and age), The United States of America seems to have the hardest time with race- though the concept itself is anthropologically non-existent. Race may not be real, but racism very much is, and has been the single most telling factor as to the life chances and opportunities of people in this country, regardless of other parts of their identities.
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What if you held a dinner series with interested folks in your community, using parts of the videos: Race and Parenting: How We Talk to Our Kids about Race, Racism, and Identity: www.king5.com/article/news/local/.
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Lead a conversation around a book: Is Everyone Really Equal?: An Introduction to Key Concepts in Social Justice Education by Özlem Sensoy and Robin DiAngelo.
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Finally, it is not the job of kids of color or parents of color to teach kids who benefit from racism how to be aware of how children of color experience the world. Use Raising White Kids to be racially sensitive- and proactive: www.cnn.com/2018/08/09/health/… as a first step.
